It's There

There's this certain way he greets the neighborhood dog.  It's like he tells Lefty in every word just how happy he is to see him and that he appreciates getting to spend minutes of this precious life together.  

It gets me every time.  If it's not written down somewhere, it should be.  Judge a man by the way he treats a dog.

Between Christmas and New Year's we were out clearing snow together, me on the shovel and him on the snow-blower.  The cold air cut through my lungs and I kept looking around - at the mountains, the little trees we so carefully care for all summer long, the lit up wreaths on the garage lights, the front porch, and the man greeting Lefty in that certain way as he came bounding through the white fluff.  And then I had one of those moments, you know the kind I'm sure.  The kind where you actually feel like the world is aligned and you are right where you are supposed to be.  

Inside my fleece lined leather mitten, I felt on my left hand the ring.  The ring that was given to me the day after Christmas.  The ring that was given to me in the most special way and that tells me we get to be right where we belong for the rest our lives.  Because right where we belong is right with each other.  

Folding Hunting Tents and Deer Off

I just found this in my drafts folder and I don't want it to disappear so even though it's now January 4th, 2016 and I wrote this on a night in November of 2015, here it is.  It's like the Christmas card that gets sent in April, or something like that.  Without further ado, a piece of my mind and shots from my viewfinder...from October, but in January.  

My view right now is white hotel bedding and a remote that quite possibly holds more germs than anything I can currently muster up in my mind.  I try not to think about it, the funk of how many folks from different strokes have touched the hotel remotes.  But, hotel nights are my nights to catch up on emails while watching HGTV or the latest Real Housewives of Somewhere and that trumps the dirty remotes.  

On Halloween evening, we folded hunting tents because that seemed like a normal thing to do.  The view that night was just a little bit better than white hotel bedding.  I kept saying things like, "Love a duck the sky is doing some good things right now.  Hey are you looking?!  Look.  I mean really, that yellow tree is killing it over there.  The clouds!  I love the way the white tips look against the fall colors.  Are you looking?!"

The reaction I get to most of those spurts of sentiments over pretty that happen more often than I care to admit is the face of yes, yes Amy it's pretty.  But then it's followed by another look - a quick little glimmer of I love that you love that.

After we finished folding, I reminded Kiel that last year we folded the hunting tents together too.  We were fresh then, new in our finding out who we were and are together.  A quick little chuckle escaped as I then reminded him of what he said to me when we finished.

"Okay.  So you're capable."

I guess he didn't know he had found a girl who could do things like fold hunting tents since all we had really done up that point was go to Bison football game weekends together.  

Lucky him.  I guess folding hunting tents was a test and I passed.  

Little did he know at that time I would also be capable of a great many things as we progressed through the year.  Really, really important things like rearranging the kitchen counters and Roundup-ing weeds in landscaping rocks and Miracle Grow-ing the shit out of those baby growing trees.  

When spring rolled around, I secretly thought Kiel was potentially a little over the top in his care for the rows and rows of little evergreen trees that surround the yard.  He talked to them for Pete's sake and said things like, "That one was a good one.  He grew really well last year and now look at him.  He just couldn't make it through the winter."  

It's most likely no shock I found this mildly over the top.  

But now!

Now I've spent time caring for those trees.  Much time.  

So when a big buck deer decided it was in his rights as an antlered being to RUB all over the trees and go right ahead and take off branch after branch after branch and break the little trunks into these poor pitiful broken stalks...

I felt like it was just not acceptable.  Do you know how many years that little tree had to work to get that big?  Now I've joined the crazy team.  The team who is trying to grow trees in Montana which is apparently much harder than one would think.  I mean don't tell anyone I said this, but North Dakota might even be better at it.  And don't even get me started on the internet situation in the 406.  I used all the internet in one day.  How is that even possible?  But I digress.  

I hate to think that this tree right here is probably broken off right now, on the ground.  Just lying there because it couldn't fight against the big buck. 

I also hate to think about the Deer Off that we sprayed on Sunday in the 50+ mile an hour wind because we simply had to get it done before we left for travel working for weeks.  Deer Off smells like hell.  Like actual hell, or at least what I can imagine it might smell like in a place you are not wanting to be EVER and when it gets in your eyes, your eyes will burn and tingle for days.  

BUT the trees that buck hadn't gotten to already?!  They will survive dammit.  

Because I am capable. 

Plus this is pretty.  

Haystack for the Heart Picture

My cowboy boots pushed the sand down with a squish, my one hand held my camera and the other was being held, the sun warmed my face as we made our way to the water edge while my eyes tried to take it all in.  

A lighthouse to the right, Haystack Rock to the left, the blaring yellow light in the middle, the sound of the waves lapping in, a toddler running in his diaper into the water being chased by his barefoot dad...

Dear Bird,

Thank you for flying across at just the right time.  I appreciate you.

Sincerely,
Me

Dinner with blankets wrapped around our legs to take the chill off the evening air, a glass of white wine each, fresh seafood, and this sunset as the view.  There was a time when I would have spent most of the experience trying to capture it all through my camera lens.  There is value in creating memories that can be looked at in the future, but there is also value in snapping one quick picture and then setting the camera down to create memories in the heart instead.  I remember watching a movie when I was a teenager.  I don't remember the movie title but I do remember this part - it has stuck with me and for some reason, it's something I think of often now.  A mom was watching her son and husband interact with each other and she said with her hand over her chest, "My heart just took a picture."  

My heart took many pictures that evening in Oregon on the coast and I will forever cherish them in the same way I cherish this orange and blue. 

Currently

Currently I'm...

Sitting in a rocker in the front foyer looking out at the sunrise watercolor strokes through the wreath pine edges.

Sipping coffee from the pot I had to MacGyver with a toothpick to brew this morning - I guess the small plastic piece was indeed important that broke off in my hands. 

Reflecting on packing up my entire house on Saturday and moving here on Sunday; it was a crazy whirlwind but I'm like a kid in a candy store having all my things in one place again.  

Thanking my kick-ass family for stepping in and helping me get the job done - could not, could not have pulled that off without them.  My sister-in-law saved me on Saturday, pure and simple.  A crew came in after deer hunting to load the trailer in the dark night.  My cousin Austin drove here and back basically in one day.  What would we do without family?  Turns out, I don't want to know.   

Wondering if the large area rug in the kitchen is too much.  

Keeping a balance of duck, geese, and elk art with my wonky vintage tendencies to tack aprons to the wall, sew buttons onto fabric and frame it, and hang pictures with glitter clothespins.  I believe in this house representing us both...the things we love, which means I'm determined to pull off the aesthetic of woodsy mountain deer meets vintage farm zebra.   

Telling myself that future me will worry about all of the winter travel in and out of here for work.  If I worry about it before it happens, it's a futile exercise.  

Remembering how the notion of actually saying in my mind, "Future you will worry about xyz..." truly works.  It's an exercise I picked up somewhere along the way and it keeps me from spinning on things that might not even happen.  Future you will worry about xyz too...give it a whirl.  

Pondering hooking up my big computer all on my own.  This is coming from the girl who once had her best friend's husband come over to hook up the DVD player.  I'm good at a great many things, hooking up technology simply isn't one of them.  But I want my pictures and my pictures live on the big one.  

Feeling thankful.  Really, really thankful.  Life is not perfect because nothing ever is, but my favorite orange bench is here and I have the best person ever to share it with.  

Warming up to the holiday season; I've hung a wreath on the front door and am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving at the farm, a little time in early December in Arizona, followed by Christmas in the mountains.  I'm ready.  The boxes are unpacked and I'm ready for the best time of the year.  

Thinking about how I'm not as physically strong as I used to be; there was a time when I could lift and carry pretty much anything.  It was the farm upbringing, I'm sure.  I don't know if it's my age, the surgery I had this summer, or the fact that I don't get to go to Muscle Pump with Sara at the YMCA anymore...but I've definitely wimped out a bit.  It's ironic however, I feel the strongest I've ever been mentally.  Now, why can't I get that Christmas tree box up the freaking stairs? 

Reminiscing about the Oregon trip and these captures from Crater Lake.  To say it was breathtaking is an understatement and it's worth adding to your list of places to visit.  Please make sure you make reservations way ahead of time for Crater Lake Lodge, unlike us.  We tend to book flights and hotels the week of travel because that's just the season we are in.  The coffee by the fire at the lodge was our way of pretending we were staying and not driving.  

Multnomah Falls and an Ah-ha

If you give an Amy the highest waterfall in Oregon, she'll take pictures of the pretty sunlight filtering through the green and starting to turn gold leaves and she'll love the way the blue water looks behind the prickly branches.  But first she'll take care of business.  Because if you give an Amy the trail that goes to the top of said waterfall, she'll feel its her mission in life to get to the top as fast as possible.

Ironically, I didn't even realize what was happening until we finally reached the last switchback and I turned around to see Kiel with sweat running down his face.  "Did you decide we had to race up that?"  

"Well yes.  I guess I did."  

It wasn't a conscious decision but rather my body taking over as I felt the first shortness of breath and sting in my legs.  I crave that kind of challenge; it makes me push to the next little milestone.  Get to that tree.  Now to that bend.  See that person?  Catch them.  

It takes me over, whatever it is.  

Maybe it could be called a goal mindset or competitive or maybe even obsessive - call it what you want, it's something.  

Once to the top and after the call out of Race Hike 2015, I took my camera from Kiel and started enjoying the little things and the big things all around, the beautiful.  Yes, he carried my camera up because he's real good like that.  

I felt my breath return to even and the rush of conquering was tucked quietly in my back pocket - or at least it would have been had my pants had pockets.  Rather, it was tucked in my being.  

On the way down I lagged behind, noticing and capturing.  We got the giggles several times recounting the trip up and the looks from strangers that now made sense to me after hearing Kiel's side of watching me charge up the trail.  The looks of okay then, you are just doing this thing aren't you? 

I am a charger.  It's just a part of who I am.  It's why I can unpack my kitchen into an already stocked kitchen and have it all sorted and organized in a matter of hours.  I start to feel the shortness of breath...

Wait?  Maybe I'm just neurotic.  I can't not finish.  Yep, that's more it than anything.  No breaks here, unless it's for a slice of cheese mid-sorting the beans in the pantry.